The Joy I Felt When I Found Out I’m Pregnant

It was a busy week in my world of freelancing and I am having my normal change of attitude when I’m expecting my period. I have a regular period in a 25-28-day cycle but I freaked out when I missed Day 1 last March 2016. We were married for 10 months then and was not really trying to conceive. I told my husband that I was delayed and talked about how should we go about it, we even came up with the idea that I was maybe just stressed out because of my work and the things going on with our life. We had this mixed emotion of fear, excitement and what ifs letting the days pass by, waiting for the day when I can finally have a home pregnancy test. I was advised by a friend to take a pregnancy test 7 days after I missed my period, so we waited.

In the morning of March 26, 2016 (we slept at a friend’s house), I woke up early but hesitated to test my urine. I don’t know why. My husband is still asleep and so I prepped my laptop and did my project for a client for a while. When my husband woke up, I gathered my courage and secretly walked into the bathroom with the pregnancy test kit. And so it happened, I waited for a while and saw the 2 super red lines shouting that I was indeed pregnant. I felt nervous and happy and afraid and I don’t know what else can you call the feeling that I had inside the bathroom. I composed myself, prepared something to tell my husband, fixed my hair and went out. But the moment that I saw him, nothing came out of my mouth. I just felt the need to hug him and so I did. Teary eyed, I showed him that little white PT and uttered, ‘Dad, positive’. We were both smiling and hugged each other tightly. Our friends, the owner of the house, were the ones who knew first about the pregnancy and then I posted it in our barkada’s viber group. Because we were excited, I also called my family that day sharing the good news.

And now, I am 6 months pregnant and expecting a baby boy! Still excited and afraid. 🙂

Hello there…

After so many years of contemplating when to blog again, I finally have the time, courage and means to post my thoughts. So here’s Krazy Khryzzzy on her new journey as a wife, expecting mom and a freelancer.

Old posts in a new Blog:

KAIBIGAN

June 3, 2007

**it is my friends who made the story of my life. In a thousand ways they have turned my limitations into beautiful privileges.**

I’ve come to realize na kahit gaano mo pa katagal kasama ang isang tao, there’s still something na hindi mo alam sa pagkatao nito. tipong kahit gaano kayo ka-close, hindi mo pa rin masasabi that you really know a certain person.

Magugulat ka na lang isang araw sa mga pasabog na bubulaga na lang sa umagang inaasahan mong magiging masaya. Mao-off balance ka at maaalarma dahil sa dinami-dami ng pinagsamahan ng barkada, yun pang pinakaimportanteng bahagi ng pagkatao nya ang hindi mo alam. Malungkot at masakit, dahil sa haba ng pinagsamahan niyo hindi ka pa rin pala lubusang pinakakatiwalaan ng kaibigan mo. You’ve trusted all your flaws and your personality to that person, it’s not mutual pala. Parang naglolokohan lang pala kayo diba?! Pero wala kang magagawa dahl yun ang desisyon nya.. It all comes down to the word RESPECT!

Yeah, masakit as a friend. pero dahil nga friend mo siya at dahil mahal mo siya to that extent, wala kang magagawa kung hindi tanggapin ang desisyon na iyon. Hindi mo siya tatanggapin dahil kailangan, tinanggap mo dahil mahal mo siya.

Friendship pala doesn’t exist dahil kailangan niyo ang isa’t-isa, walang explanation sa real friendship it just exist by itself,yung element ng friendship nabubuo na lang kapag magkasama na kayo. Kahit ano pa ang pagkatao nito (bakla, tomboy, babae, lalake, panget at maganda), you’ll be there sa tabi niya. Babalewalain mo ang lahat lahat ng hinanakit na dinulot ng isang malaking rebelasyon na muntik ng magpabagsak ng tiwala mo. Sa huli mananaig ang kadakilaan ng puso at ang wonder ng love at friendship.

     Isa lang naman ang natitirang tanong sa aking isipan: Ano bang mas mahalaga? ang nagawang kasalanan o ang pinagsamahan?

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DEJECTION

You came unexpectedly, I felt nothing but average.

Teased each other, you erased my ennui.

How fast time has been, I felt something, denial came in.

Told myself you are a mediocre and I’m just enjoying.

 

But see, you are diligent, entrusted your past to me

Promised you’ll wait and we’ll live happily.

Immersed myself with your phrases but it turned out as eddy.

 

At work you failed, I understand.

How come it is me you dumped?

You said we’re not meant to be.

Well it seemed that you used me!

 

Then I recognized, bitter, I was hurt and cried.

Hope you will realize that someone fell in love with you by surprise.

 

I gave up. Forced myself to live and make up.

Thanked myself for not drinking my own potion and illusion.

Letting go of my makeshift dejection.

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MALEVOLENCE

From the depths of silence

..there is war.

From the depths of happiness

.. someone’s crying out loud

From the depths of humility

.. there is vanity

From the depths of eternity

.. there is death.

Bewildered in the vagueness of me

Blaming the boast of vanity

Journeying through the madness of earth

Belittling the self for unclaimed holy wealth.

Crowning the glory of the lowest realm

Feeding the soul of excommunicated angel

Living with the generosity of the most ungenerous

Died in the serenity of the most wicked creature…

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SA DAKO PA ROON

Lumipad ka!
Patungo sa dako pa roon

Sa dakong nakatunghay ay isang hambog!

Lumipad sa rurok ng walang katumbas na ligaya

Sa lawak ng karangyaang dulot ay dusa.

Lumipad ka sa gitna ng mga bundok

 

Hatid ay pangamba..

Sa hanging ang direksyon ay di Makita

Sa ilalim ng dagat na ang hatid ay masamang alaala

Sa dako pa roon, pag-asa’y lumisan na.

 

Lipad! Oo, lipad!

Sa kalangitang hatid ay pag-asa

Sa asul na ulap, sumakay ka.

Pangamba’y isama sa ulan

Ipaimbuyo sa lakas ng hangin

Ipatunaw kay Haring Araw!

 

Sa dako pa roon mamili ka,

Ilog ng karangyaang puro dusa

O ang Bato na siyang sandigan

Sa bagyong hatid ay problema?

 

Sa tamang direksyon

Sa dako pa roon…

Lumipad ka!

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